For those who doubt that SPAM is the literary form of today, I proffer this letter as proof.
The Nigerian robot that penned this Sapphic romp through the last thirty or so years of North African/Middle-Eastern history strikes the perfect balance between the absurd and poignant.
It’s a rich tapestry of colourful and diverse threads.
It combines the tropes of the picaresque novel with the seductiveness of hard-boiled detective fiction.
There’s even a dash lively Cold War-esque paranoia (James Bond, but played with lesbians in Ghana).
The author of this letter didn’t just pinch the bricks from Virginia Woolf’s pockets. (S)he used them to create a magnificent, tragic edifice.
Dearest,
Sorry for this unsolicited email. I got your contact from my subsidiary group in your country.
In fact I was discussing with the group on the general business atmosphere in your country and other surrounding sub regional markets when your company was mentioned among several others that can be trusted in terms of business relationship. However I was trying to solicit for your assistance and cooperation in respect of possibility to relocate UN-clarified and undocumented fund over seas for investment on high yields without traces to the fund owners.
I was recently in Mauritania for an exhibition and I was chanced to meet one Ms Aisha El Sanussi (one of the surviving daughters of the Abdallah El Sanussi the former chief security adviser to late Libyan leader Gadaffi) who is currently in detention in Libya. We coincidentally met in an exclusively secluded Arab restaurant in Nouakchott and she mistook me for a lesbian that she happens to be a chronic practitioner and we cordially engaged in a “close to the chest” conversation when she knew I was a Ghanaian. As I became quite curious due to the fact of her parentage (daughter of El Sanussi),
I pretended to be a co–lesbian and our conversation became very intimate to the point that she opted to confide in me. The amiable but distressed beautiful lady disclosed to me in confidence that she had in collaboration with her other siblings during the epic of late Gadaffi’s last lap em-battlement with the opposition in Libya successfully moved a sum of US$50m to Ghana through the assistance of a former Libyan Diplomat then based in Ghana during the late Leader’s reign. Ms Aisha El Sanussi went further to reveal to me that the fund is currently in a safe keeping deposit vault of a financial institution in Ghana. She was however circumspect with disclosing further details regarding the current status of the fund in focus including the name of the bank where the cash fund was kept.
Due to the trust she already developed in me more so when she considered me a veritable sex partner, Ms Aisha El Sanussi did solicit my assistance to source for a trusted investor that could be in position to assist the embattled family to relocate the fund over seas for investment. She directed me to her second cousin (a sheik) who is currently hiding out in a secluded location in Ghana. The sheik is being shielded from public cynosure by a high ranking public figure in the ruling NDC party here who was a very close friend of the late Libyan strong man. In my opinion, I considered your personality as a neutral foreigner without any previous relationship with the El Sanussi’s family as being very appropriate for the planned relocation of the fund over seas without traces.
I was assured of adequate compensation for your assistance and cooperation upon successful accomplishment of the planned financial endeavor. I have been opportune also to have held a very brief meeting with the sheik in an UN-disclosed location in respect of the subject matter and he seemed quite amiable just like her cousin even though he barely speaks English. We spoke through an Arab translator and he confirmed his readiness to cooperate with any of my accomplice that would be very trustful and confidential in handling of the planned transaction due to the very nature and peculiar circumstances of the fund from source. Please do endeavor to keep this transaction confidential, even if you do not wish to be involved. I will wait to receive from you regarding this matter including your suggestion on the way forward. You can however reach me on this email address: mrs.loistaylor02@gmail.com or my telephone number
My regards,
Mrs Lois Taylor
Alae Taule'alo 